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Bill Baker

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oh wow, it really is a ghost town here [Dec. 29th, 2010|02:49 pm]
Bill Baker
Looking through all of the friends who used to post here, I see that it has been at least a year or longer since anyone last hung up their shingle. Maybe I'll need to think about how married I am to LJ, there's nothing stopping me from moving shop to a fresh new sandbox.

He says to absolutely no one else...
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on re-launching [Dec. 29th, 2010|02:35 pm]
Bill Baker
[mood |hopefulhopeful]

Looking at the posts below, I see it has been about 11 months since I’ve posted anything of any interest here. Indeed, there was a post proclaiming that I was “done with this page”, which made me a two-time LJ quitter, and now this lines me up for the inevitable third time at some future date.

But that’s not what this post is about, nor am I here to dig up the corpse of the past and give it a good hummer for the sake of ”all that could/should/would have been”, because I’ve been there and done that, and the t-shirt doesn’t even fit my fat ass these days. Let’s talk about “the now”, as in the sequel to “the then”, and why I suddenly felt the need to start making noise here, where there was such a peaceful silence before.

The simple, short answer is that I’m a noisy fella.

Strike that, I think I’m a formerly noisy fella, who now finds himself at a quiet point in life, and all that is worth contemplating has been contemplated (were it only that simple, eh?) and now I’m getting fidgety in all this silence. In days of yore, I used to scream to get folks’ attention, and it seemed to be an effective device. These days I’m usually content just napping with my cat, which would be perfectly fine were my last name Schwarzenbach, but I’m no Blake and my cat will never inspire me to those levels of godliness no matter how many hours I slumber beside him.

So that puts me back here, awake at present, and struggling to coax a voice out of the silence. I think it’s a healthy concept, and I could certainly stand to have something productive to do when I’m finding myself awake in the small hours, as I’m known to do. I have no plans, which is probably good, since I’m pretty terrible at following the ones I do make. I’d say this space will be filled by whatever muse is moving me, whenever that movement happens. I’d imagine photos to consume a majority of this space, with the occasional burst of text. That suits me fine. At this point, I think I’m typing words to an absent audience, and I’m not sure when or if I’m even going to put effort into scraping up a new crowd to baffle with my BS. For now I’m content with just having this be the electronic equivalent of me mumbling into my shirtsleeve and giggling to myself, like that guy on the bus that no one sits by.

With this post out of the way, consider the bottle broken against the bow, so let’s see if this thing is seaworthy.
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You should call me Lazarus... [Dec. 22nd, 2010|10:57 am]
Bill Baker
I'm thinking this is back from the dead, but I'm going to keep it a secret for a while. Nobody shops here anymore these days, right?

A proper entry will follow, with an explanation.
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Heiress/Narrows 1/22/10 El Corazon [Jan. 23rd, 2010|01:48 am]
Bill Baker
[mood |awakeawake]






A couple more at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/trip_sixes
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the fog was kind to me today [Jan. 16th, 2010|08:32 pm]
Bill Baker




starting to get more comfortable developing RAWs in Lightroom...
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I love this new camera... [Jan. 4th, 2010|09:23 pm]
Bill Baker



If you're interested, there's a bunch more at : http://www.flickr.com/photos/trip_sixes/
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watch this NOW [Dec. 27th, 2009|12:21 am]
Bill Baker
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weird, but true... [Dec. 12th, 2009|11:21 am]
Bill Baker
[mood |amusedamused]



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for the ones who would care... [Dec. 1st, 2009|11:55 am]
Bill Baker
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On milestones and millstones. [Nov. 29th, 2009|07:45 pm]
Bill Baker
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

It's been a while since I've felt actually compelled to write anything, much less anything here- nevertheless, I have been moved, so here's what you get.

In about 8 days, I'm going to be 40 years old. I'm not sure if or what I'm supposed to do or feel about that, so I'm largely doing nothing. Last year, I had this grand plot to avoid turning 40 on this continent, but that plan required details which were beyond my control, so it went bye-bye. I had no back-up plan, and thus my day will be just like the ones on either side of it, and I'll just age without ceremony, which is probably for the better.

I wish I had something insightful to share, some secret bit of knowledge 40 years in the finding, but I'm no closer to knowing how to do all this living stuff properly than I was when I was birthed 40 years back. I've learned things along the way, lessons and losses and even some love, so I think I'm fumbling along in roughly the correct direction, or at least I think I am. I wish I could have avoided some of the bigger mistakes, maybe not said some of the really stupid or hurtful things I said, and maybe kept some of the friends I've managed to lose along the way, in that whole hindsight manner of looking at things, but what's done is mostly done.

I'm feeling the days a bit more than I used to, probably as a result of not being 100% happy or satisfied with my current work situation, but that seems to be par for everyone's course, of late. I've lingered at this one for longer than I have managed in any of my previous engagements, including my marriage (which was absolutely work, albeit for diminishing compensation), and I'm starting to feel a little ragged around the edges. I think this is what a career feels like, and I don't like it one damn bit. I'm thankful for the employment, and I enjoy the company of my peers (mostly), but there are days that are absolutely soul crushing and I wonder how many more of them I have to endure. More than ever before, I'm trying to just keep my head down and watch my tongue, be a good worker bee and get the job done. The less I carry home with me, the better. In the long run, it's probably going to be my saving grace, but right now if feels like I'm living on borrowed time, and that's a pretty stressful way to live.

I'm taking measures to regain some of the ground I've lost or surrendered over the past few years, while I'm still young enough at heart to rally and make an effort. I've set my sights on a pair of photography classes in the first quarter of 2010, and I'm going to see if that leads to more classes/workshops going beyond that. I know enough to take the sort of pictures I like to look at, mostly, but I know that what I don't know is volumes and volumes of knowledge that will take some of the luck out of what I've been able to get and make my understanding of the fundamental underpinnings of exposure and composition a little more of a foundation to build on.

I cleaned my room this weekend, which sounds like such a minor task, but I've let clutter and messiness create this thing that I just didn't want to ever invest the time to correct, and as a result, I lived like a shut-in, surrounded by filth and the leavings of my lifestyle. It contributed to my mood and made me a pretty miserable soul around the house. Cleaning it up, disposing of the junk and weeding out things I no longer have a purpose for felt very cathartic, like the more free space I created, the more alive my space became. It's such a little thing, but it feels like an immense burden has been lifted. Suddenly I have this space that I'm proud of again, which I haven't had for a long time. In the process, I uncovered dozens of books I've accumulated over the last year and haven't gotten around to reading, or ones that I started and never finished- more evidence of how disjointed my life has become. I'm going to make a real effort to spend this winter knocking some of those books off of my "to-do" list, and I am eagerly anticipating the task.

I think with that last bit, I've said all I care to commit to the interwebs about this whole turning 40 and where I am in the whole process. Nothing insightful, just as I suspected. Maybe that's just par for this course. I know we all search for meaning or purpose, but maybe that meaning or purpose isn't ours to see or determine. Maybe our legacy is the only thing that can ever accurately define us. To that end, I am investing in trying to add to my own legacy, and maybe that's what this is all about. Or maybe it isn't.
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